Tuesday, August 31, 2010

emotion consequence

i am an emotional person.

maybe not as much as some gals but still i can start crying even if all you did was look at me funny. my friend megan, back in high school, always said i looked like a looney toon character when i cried because it seemed like the tears just started spraying out the sides of my eyes.

lots of tears.


lots.

i cry when i'm watching sappy movies, i cry when i'm on the phone with a loved-one, i even cried when i was working for Sears as a collector and i was talking to an old man who sounded like my Grandpa Bill and it obviously wasn't him, but it sounded just like him - and i was missing my Grandpa so much - so, i started crying... my manager thought i was nuts.


i cry about once a week because i miss my sisters, so much.
i cry when i'm worried about my babies, when they're sick or when they are hurt - i cry when i have bad dreams, i cry for my sister who is sad and sometimes feels like she's living in a bad dream.

i cry when i'm driving home and i haven't been there in a while and i've been missing it, i cry when i have to leave to go back to my new home with my family because i know, i'll be missin' my old home so much.

i cry when i'm proud of someone - when things change, when things seem like they'll never change.

sometimes i cry for no reason at all,

just. because.

i cry when i'm stressed, when i'm confused - when i'm embarrassed, when i'm overwhelmed - i cry when i've hurt feelings, i cry when i've had my feelings hurt - when i need direction, when i'm at His feet broken.

i'm. a. crier.

i've always been a crier. it's how i deal. remember when we were young that you were crying so hard that whoever you were trying to talk to couldn't understand what you were saying and it just came out a big squeaky, whiny mess? or you cried all night because something (that now you would consider so silly and inconsequential) bad happened - either at school, with a friend, a boyfriend or sports?

i'm thankful i have that way to release that bottled-up emotion. sometimes you just need a good cry.

but.

is crying a consequence of not trusting?

i once heard that if you are having a bad day - you are Not abiding in Christ. if you are wallowing in your stress, your hurt and your feelings - you are Not laying it down for Him. i think that maybe my crying (a lot of the time) is a good sign for me to see that i'm trying to take care of things on my own - solve my own problems, find my own joy.

and i'm forgetting that He's got this.

He never leaves.

i'm His.

and He is always there to wipe my tears, reassure with a kiss on the forehead - He'll turn me around, pat me on the butt and off i go to try again to Trust ...

first! this time.

*source for all pics here

2 comments:

Krista said...

Crying is good. It is an emotional cleanse. However, its okay to cry and then turn to the Lord for help and sometimes it is good to talk to the Lord while you are crying. I think you are a great person and a few tears are just fine!

Brian and Jodi Brown said...

I am a shoulder for you to cry on my lovely sister,

J

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