Up until about a week or two ago I had definately been struggling with monitoring what I just let spew from my mouth as if I am an out of control bubblegum machine. Bubble Gum coming out everywhere and there is nothing you can do to stop it! Whatever was coming to mind I would just splurt it out and not even give it a second thought as to if it might hurt my husband's feelings or not. I was letting Satan get away with WAY too much! I had a break down and my hubby and I struggled for a whole weekend - where I couldn't quite figure out what the problem was. I just knew he was driving me crazy, he was a stinky, gross man who was completely unaware of what I needed or expected from him nor (I thought) did he care to know. I was so disgusted by even just looking at him and I just knew that I really liked it when he left for work and sometimes I wished he would stay there!
Finally Saturday evening, after I had talked to my dad, I realized that I wasn't being aware of what I was saying and any old thing that came to mind during our conversations I would say it. When I'm struggling with such things, I usually talk to my mom and sisters and things tend to just blow over... I can't hardly ever talk to my dad without bawling and everyone knows when your bawling you can't listen or really get anywhere in the conversation - so I usually just tell mom... No I can't talk to him - I'm okay. I think it is because I'm very concerned and probably mostly embarrassed of what he'll think about me having such issues.
I went to the Library and picked up 'Help Me! I'm Married' By Joyce Meyer (this author and speaker is a family favorite) She talked about asking the Lord to give you a new set of eyes for your husband, which has helped me with the whole - he's just a stinky man thing... :) and also she encourages you to pray for the Lord to help you be a better listen vs. trying to always have the last word.
Anyhow, through much prayer and petition of getting back in the Word... and as daddy-o says "Got to Battle, Battle Every Day" I've been monitoring my thoughts and actions and working through this hiccup. It is totally working like a charm and those snappy, cranky things I once would of said are getting held back to reflect a more loving and respectful wifey.
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.